I never eat breakfast at home, but my mom still asks me every day-when she catches me before I duck out, anyway-and in that moment I realize how much I love the little everyday routines of my life: the fact that she always asks, the fact that I always say no because there’s a sesame bagel waiting for me in Lindsay’s car, the fact that we always listen to “No More Drama” as we pull into the parking lot. “Do you want any breakfast, Sam?” my mom asks. And I’m not sure where the damage begins. Even before the accident I’m not sure that I was a whole person-that’s what I’m realizing now. “You don’t need to be fixed, Sam.” He says the words, but it’s like I don’t even hear them it’s like they go through my whole body at the same time, like I’m absorbing them from the air. When he turns back to me he looks sad, even though he’s smiling the tiniest bit.

He moves around me to the head of the stairs, pausing just at the top. That’s all I was going to say.” Kent’s voice is steady and low. “I was going to tell you that you look beautiful with your hair down. Then Kent rests his hand on my elbow just for a second, just that one little touch gives me the chills. There’s a moment of silence that seems to last forever. I don’t think I can be fixed.” I meant to say, I don’t think “it” can be fixed, but it comes out wrong, and suddenly I’m on the verge of crying. “It’s not my fault I can’t be like you, okay? I don’t get up in the morning thinking the world is one big shiny, happy place, okay? That’s just not how I work. A best friend helps you keep your own secrets. We don’t talk about the joke that for years trailed me down hallways, into classrooms, and on the bus, that wove its way into my dreams: “What’s red and white and weird all over? Sam Kingston!” And we definitely don’t talk about the fact that Lindsay was the one who made it up. We don’t talk about the fact that Ally never eats more than a quarter of what’s on her plate, even though she’s obsessed with cooking and watches the Food Network for hours on end.

We don’t talk about the fact that we can never hang out at Elody’s house after five o’clock because her mother will be home, and drunk. They smoked pot, split a six-pack, and had sex, and he never knew she hadn’t done it before. Technically, her first was a guy she met at a party when she was visiting her stepbrother at NYU. For example, even though Lindsay says Patrick is her first and only, this isn’t technically true. Lindsay, Ally, Elody and I are as close as you can be, but there are still some things we never talk about.

Before i fall book